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Think Yourself Happy

October 26, 2012 / / Comments Off on Think Yourself Happy

Is it possible to ‘think yourself’ happy?  

One of the things that people forget, is how much control we have over our own happiness.  And this is in large part because of the amount of control we can choose to have over our thoughts, feelings and behaviours.  We can choose to think in ways that tend to make us happy, or in ways that tend to make us sad.

To be happy you must be your own sunshine.

~ Charles Edward Jerningham

And, as well as choosing to see the positives in our life, we can think ourselves happy by letting go of things that we cannot change:

Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not. It is only after you have faced up to this fundamental rule and learned to distinguish between what you can and can’t control that inner tranquillity and outer effectiveness become possible.

~ Epictetus, The Art of Living

In the Christian tradition there is a prayer which I use as a meditation:

Grant me

the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

the courage to change the things I can

and the wisdom to know the difference

So today, why not consider the areas of your life that you feel unhappy with, and use the questions below to reflect on them while being mindful of control, acceptance, courage and wisdom – take the first step to ‘thinking yourself’ happy:

1)  What things do I have some control over, and what things don’t I have control over?  

2)  How can I accept and come to terms with the things beyond my control?

3)  What can I do differently to change, for the better, the things I do have some control over?

4)  How else can I “be my own sunshine”?

What do you think? – share your thoughts on these quotes, and happiness in general – how do you think yourself happy? – it’s great to hear your experiences, and I feature some of them in my newsletters.

Leave a comment here, or email me: Mary@Coach-me-Happy.co.uk

 

Category: Beliefs / Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Meditation and Happiness

August 29, 2012 / / Comments Off on Meditation and Happiness

Can meditation make you happier?

Yes. 🙂

People who practice meditation regularly report feeling less stressed and more emotionally balanced.  Researchers have even seen changes in the physical structure of the brain after regular meditation.

Numerous scientific studies have shown meditation reduces anxiety as well as stress – people who meditate tend to worry less about the problems they are facing in life, and are therefore happier as a result.

Here are some of the benefits that you may get from meditation:

Physiological benefits:

– Leads to deeper levels of physical relaxation
– Decreases muscle tension, aches and pains
– Enhances the immune system and lowers blood pressure
– Helps with pain control in chronic diseases
– Reduces headaches & migraines
– Produces lasting beneficial changes in brain biochemistry

Psychological benefits:

– Increases serotonin level, positively influencing mood and behaviour
– Helps us take control of our thoughts
– Helps with focus & concentration, learning ability and memory
– Increases emotional stability
– Reduces feelings of aggression and anger
– Reduces anxiety and tendency to worry
– Gives composure to act in considered & constructive ways

‘Spiritual’ benefits:

– Provides peace of mind, happiness
– Helps you discover your purpose
– Increases your compassion and wisdom
– Leads to deeper understanding of yourself and others
– Increases one’s acceptance of oneself
– Helps learn forgiveness

– and you might even reach spiritual enlightenment! 🙂

People report a whole range of benefits from meditation, and many of them are backed up by scientific research.

If you would like to try meditation, in the comfort of your own home, for free, then I would highly recommend the website below:

http://www.getsomeheadspace.com/

All you do is register, for free, then you get ten days of guided meditation (just ten minutes a day) for free.  Andy does of course offer paid-for meditation packages on his site, but they don’t pressure you to sign up for them or anything.

I should say that I don’t know Andy Puddicome, but I have tried the 10-day freebie and found it really good.

There are of course plenty of other internet sites and books where you can read about meditation, but I think Get Some Headspace is a good place to start.

Good luck!

And, tell me what you think – share your thoughts on meditation and happiness, and how you have got on with meditating – what difference has it made?  – it’s great to hear your experiences, and I feature some of them in my newsletters.

Leave a comment here, or email me: Mary@Coach-me-Happy.co.uk

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Be happy by celebrating success

July 30, 2012 / / Comments Off on Be happy by celebrating success

Can you be happy by celebrating success?  At the very least it can help you to feel happier – it is just one way of helping you to see the good things in life, rather than focussing on the bad things.

The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.

– Oprah Winfrey

One of the ways to feel happier is to cultivate a positive outlook, and this includes appreciating one’s achievements and looking forward with positivity.

In one of Paul McKenna’s excellent books (“I can make you thin”) he encourages us to answer 5 questions at the end/beginning of each week.  I reproduce them here – give them a try:

1.  The best things that happened this week were:

2.  My biggest challenges this week were:

3.  I did these things for the first time:

4.  What I learned was:

5.  My top 3 priorities for the week ahead are:

Simple questions, but they encourage you to reflect on what went well, what could have been better, and how you will go forward based on what you have learned.

Be happy by celebrating success – by feeling good about what has gone well, and also by looking at how you can make things even better in the week ahead.

Good luck!

And, tell me what you think – share what you have done differently, as a result of answering these questions, to be happy with yourself  – it’s great to hear your experiences, and I feature some of them in my newsletters.

Leave a comment here, or email me: Mary@Coach-me-Happy.co.uk

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How to feel happier – accepting yourself

March 28, 2012 / / Comments Off on How to feel happier – accepting yourself

The second step in my “Steps to a Happier Life” is Accepting Yourself.

Research by Robert Holden has shown that your level of self-acceptance has a huge impact on your happiness: Accepting ourselves makes us feel happier because it empowers us and brings us resilience and contentment.

Some times it isn’t easy to accept yourself – perhaps because it can be easy to focus on your own failings rather than successes.  In coaching sessions I sometimes do work with people on changing their focus, to see some more of the positives about themselves.

One thing you can do is to write down at the end of every day, for at least a fortnight, 3 things you think you did well that day, or are proud of.

Over time you will start to see more and more things that you like about yourself.  This makes it easier to accept yourself as a whole package: no-one is perfect, but seeing some of the positives makes the negatives less significant.

As you start to see more positive things about yourself, and see fewer negatives, you will begin to love yourself for who you are, and be at peace with yourself.  It’s not about ignoring our faults, and I am not saying that one shouldn’t strive to be a better person: life, ideally, is a journey of self-growth.  But that journey will be far more enjoyable if we are at peace with ourselves, wherever we are on our path, as we travel!

Another key part of self-acceptance is to forgive yourself the mistakes of the past – leave them where they belong.

We are often so much harsher to ourselves than we would be with a friend who has made a mistake.  Time to be kind to yourself.

Complete this statement with 10 responses:

I will forgive myself for….

Write them down and then throw the piece of paper away, or burn it, and really let go of your mistakes.  Learn from mistakes, but free yourself from guilt.

Finally, dismiss your negative mind-chatter in order to feel comfortable with yourself – complete these statements with 10 responses:

One self-defeating attitude I want to give up is….

One self-defeating behaviour I want to give up is….

One of the things I work on with clients is how to give up their self-defeating attitudes and behaviours.  I also help clients to examine their beliefs about themselves to determine if their mind is telling them the truth – what real evidence do you have for your negative self-beliefs?

The things above are just the starting point to accepting yourself, but if you put them into action you should notice some real benefits.

Good luck!

And, tell me what you think – share what you have done to accept yourself more, and how you felt afterwards – it’s great to hear your experiences, and I feature some of them in my newsletters.

Leave a comment here, or email me: Mary@Coach-me-Happy.co.uk

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Are you a failure?

February 28, 2012 / / Comments Off on Are you a failure?

How we feel about ourselves, and our failures, can have a huge impact on our happiness.

One of my ‘steps to a happier life’ is to Accept Yourself, to love yourself for who and what you are.

Do you tend to feel awful about your failures?  Acceptance is something many of my clients struggle with: it can be hard not to beat yourself up for your mistakes.

Yesterday I tweeted a great quote from Zig Ziglar – “Failure is an event not a person: yesterday ended last night; today is your brand new day.”

Part of accepting ourselves is giving ourselves permission to forgive our mistakes of our past and leave them where they belong, in the past. We need to accept our failures, move on, and learn to be at peace with ourselves.

One way to accept our mistakes is to realise what we gain from them. When Shawn Anchor was researching his book, “The happiness advantage”, he found that study after study had shown that if we think of a failure as an opportunity for personal growth, we are far more likely to experience that growth.

And there’s a saying in the coachng world that I often remind my clients of:

“there’s no such thing as failure; only feedback.”

So, to answer the question at the start of this article:

Are you a failure?

No!

Failure is an event not a person, and that event provides us with helpful feedback. The challenge lies in interpreting that feedback, in order to decide on a better course of action next time.

Working out what we have learned from a failure, and what we will do differently next time, is something my clients sometimes bring to our coaching sessions.

Questions you might consider are:

1) Put it in perspective: on a scale of 1 to 10 how awful is this failure, really?
2) What actions could I take to improve the current situation?
3) What resources do I have that might help?
4) What resources do I need, and where will I get them?
5) Thinking about where I feel I failed, what have I learned from this feedback?
6) What personal strengths and skills do I have that I can use in this area in future?
7) Considering all this, when a similar situation arises again what can I do differently?

I believe that the only significant difference between those who are successful and those who aren’t is PERSISTENCE – that ability to fail, then pick yourself up and try again, and keep on trying, until you achieve what you want to achieve.

Don’t let failure hold you back – it’s just one of the steps on your life’s path.

Tell me what you think – share what your failures have taught you and how you have turned them around.

Leave a comment here, or email me: Mary@Coach-me-Happy.co.uk

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